Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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