Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
