The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
