Me. At least after what I've been through.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I forget how to act sober
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
