We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
