So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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