Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he thought i was a dude.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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