No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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