Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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