I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
