i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
