what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
