:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
