mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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