If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
