made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
