jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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