tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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