so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
