1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
