And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
