It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
