I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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