im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
