Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
