i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
