Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
