Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
