Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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