I seem to have left my pride at pride
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
