Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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