mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
