Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
