and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
