I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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