So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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