Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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