I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize