You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
