So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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