i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
