farters have to be the big spoon...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
