shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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