In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
