My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize