Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
