did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
