We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
