I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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