Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
