Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
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Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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