pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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