when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
