Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
