please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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