it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
