but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
