The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
