then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
