yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
