hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
there is glitter all over my balls
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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