Is it normal to miss your booty call?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
