If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
