just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize