Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize