It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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