can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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