All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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