ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
