That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
People in love make me want to vomit
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
