My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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