I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
