you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
