Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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