This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
