Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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