i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
