forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
