shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pants are for mortals
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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