they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
