I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
