Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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