I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
